?

Log in

B.C.I. [userpic]

If I could walk on water.

December 24th, 2006 (10:05 pm)
guilty

current mood: guilty
current song: silence.

If life swallows me up, where have I to go?
If death spits me out, where can I find hope?
Where is my horn?
My voice is broken and my heart is used up.
Every chance I save for myself ends up being used
on someone else and it's the walls of my soul
that come falling down to rubble and its this diamond
that is stolen from my keeping and I'm spent.
All I long for is to be understood;
I'm not as sinister as everyone makes me feel.
It's love I long for; it's compassion, and heartache
like my heartaches. I do my best to dodge me fears
like the punches of steel that they are all along
I try so hard to embrace the hateful faces of love and war.
At times they glare so hatefully down upon my weather worn wrists
like rods of pseudo-crassness breaking hard and breaking flesh.
But it is I who plants the splinter in my own side.
But I plant too deep and too deep to reach, so I cut it out.
And it hurts terribly, and I wish so deeply I had seen the reflection
of stupidity in my eyes before such ailments as this had entered my hands.
But fear washes me over like thick black tar; yet fear for what?
Fear of nothing. Fear of my idiocy, wherefore idiocy shine not upon
my wet cheeks and red eyes any longer. I long for hope.
But hope comes scarce when you run from the disease only you carry.
The disease of the self; for I'm but an ink drop in the ocean wide,
and It's my love for her which remains and only that before all else in life she is there.
I long for peace and clarity from out this storm. I pray for a chance.
For again, and again I fear this drought will dry me up and I will remain
nothing but a fish out of water. Pity my heart fate. Pity my soul and my love.
Pity me and give me hope. Grant me your staff of decision and let me lead myself.
For I all I want in life is her.